An Open Letter to My Next Husband

To My Next Husband,

I feel like I’ve been on a journey of 1000 miles and, finally, here we are.  I know what the world says about love.  I know what the world says about second marriages.  It will never work.  They fail 67% of the time.  Blended families are death on a relationship.

 

Here is what I want you to know:

1. My divorce was hard on me. You know that saying, “Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over, it became a butterfly”?  Well, that was me.  I thought my life was over.  Actually, my life was over, at least my life as I’d always known it.  The transition was difficult.  I want you to know that I didn’t waste that time.  I didn’t jump into another relationship.  I didn’t search around frantically for my next husband.  I had been in a really bad marriage.  I realize I was half of the couple and, therefore, half the problem.  I did the hard work of getting healthy.   I didn’t turn to another man to complete me or give me validation or make me feel loved.  The only decision I made out of desperation was to turn to God.   It was the best decision I ever made and because of it I now know what love is.  In that love, the butterfly appeared.
2. I understand marriage much more now than ever before.  I know how hard this will be.  I can’t say that I had such understanding the first time I made this commitment.  Now, I am going in with eyes wide open.  Even knowing it will be hard, I am happy to step out in faith with you. This commitment means so much more because I know so much more.   I commit to you with my whole heart, with the eyes of a child who has been to the depths of heartache and come back, still believing in love, eyes and arms wide open.
3. I waited for you. I would have waited longer.  I would have waited a lifetime for you.   You are special.  You are the one God chose for me.  Long before I knew you, God showed you to me. He didn’t show me the details of your appearance. I didn’t know your hair color, skin color or eye color.  He showed me you – your light, your energy, your soul.  It was so bright I couldn’t see anything else.   I would say it was like looking into the sun on the brightest of days but it was more – much more.   I loved you from the minute I had that vision.  I’ve lived all these years in peace because I knew you were coming.  The minute I was ready, the minute you were ready, God would bring us together.  He let me feel what it was like to be with my soulmate long before He brought us together.  I knew instantly it was you.  There is no doubt.  There is no fear.  There is nothing but love – a higher love than I could ever dream for myself.

It is my deepest desire to honor that deep love between us – to honor the journey we’re about to begin.  The stories of our lives until now are history and we begin anew.  We, you and I, are a new creation in Christ.  On the dawn of this new day, I make theses promises to you:

1. I promise to always turn to God first. I don’t need you to save me. I have already been redeemed.  I want you to rest in your faith knowing that God has put us together and He will protect and keep us.
2. I promise to always look at you with eyes of love. When you leave your laundry on the floor, when you forget to take back the Redbox DVD, when you have a bad day and it filters through to our home – I promise to always try to understand you instead of trying to fight with you.
3. I promise to always pray for you. Enough said.
4. I promise to follow your lead. I chose you because you are an awesome man of God.  I trust you.  I believe in you. I know you have our best interests at heart.  I promise to always give you the last vote.  I know you hear from God and I trust your ability to hear His voice and steer our family in His ways.
5. I promise to always tell you the truth. When you’re messing up, I’m going to tell you in the most loving way possible.  When your flesh is getting the best of you, I won’t hold back. When holding my tongue would be easier, when I know the boat may be rocked a bit by speaking up, I promise to always have the difficult conversations.
6. I promise to always practice forgiveness. I want to walk with you in grace. I know I’ll need more than my fair portion. I commit now to giving you grace to meet whatever need arises.
7. I promise to always work hard to be a good wife. I will always live with the intention to take care of myself, physically, spiritually, emotionally.  I know you would be there for me always but I don’t want to take advantage of the depth of your love.  I promise to work at being my best because I deserve it.  I promise to always be as radiant as the day you met me.
8. I promise to be a good Mom. I don’t know if we’ll have children.  I appreciate you to the depths of my soul for the man you are to take on these two boys.  I know they are tough. I know you could have anyone in the world and it would be much easier to marry a woman without children.  I appreciate you for loving me enough to step in.  I love you for supporting me as their mom.  I promise to always hear you when you speak to me about them.
9. I promise to be happy. I promise to live a joy-filled life.  I want to be excited to come home.  I want you to be excited to come home.  I want our home to be a refuge.  I promise to do whatever I can to keep myself happy.  I promise to be a well from which happiness overflows into our family and our home.

I promise to love you. I promise to love you always.  I promise to you a love that will never be destroyed.  On the day I stand up, on that beautiful beach at sunrise on Sunday morning and make this promise to you, God will join our souls.  We will be one.  I promise to always take care of us. When our bodies are no more, I will love you still for we are not just bound here but in heaven.  Ours is forever.